


From Ashes of Nightmares

by BandaBecca



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Childhood Trauma, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 12:52:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13570962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandaBecca/pseuds/BandaBecca
Summary: Inquisitor Lavellan has settled into her role as Inquisitor, even has found a certain Commander she has feelings for. However, when a phantom from her past returns into her life reminding her of her nightmares, it seems that her plans are doomed to go awry.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In this 'universe' Sophie is Mia's daughter, and they're here to join the Inquisition (mostly to check on Cullen). I went away from canon a bit with them, but just go with it :)  
> Inquisitor Olivier (oh-LIV-ee-ay)  
> Check out my bandabecca tumblr if you likey.  
> And ENJOY!

With a running jump, I wrapped my arms around his neck. ‘Snow! Do you see it?’

‘Yes, Inquisitor. It’s lovely, but…haven’t you seen it before?’

‘Just once. When I was quite young, my oldest brother, Endel, killed a wolf that was tormenting our people, taken some of the children. He found the wolf on the outskirts of camp. Wrestled it down and cut his throat, but he had been bitten severely in several places and almost died. Once they found out he would survive the wounds, it didn’t matter to the Clan. They celebrated him for weeks. He told me later that it was an accident. He had never meant to find the wolf.’

‘Such is the way of some heroes.’

I trailed my hand slowly through the falling snow, eyes on the tips of my fingers. ‘I don’t think I’ll ever be able to separate the sight of falling snow from that day. I’ll never forget how relieved everyone was. That the happiness they shared came from an absence of fear. How special that kind of happiness is.’ I closed my hand over the four flakes which landed on my palm. ‘If I manage to get rid of Corypheus, maybe I can make people feel that way too.’ I reached up and pinched a flake just under his ear that had landed in the fur of his cloak. We both hesitated, then I flushed and pulled my hand back as he rubbed the back of his neck. ‘How are your niece and sister?’

‘The journey has tired them both, and they’re still adjusting. Sophie is loving every moment. The people especially. She isn’t used to such a wide variety. Mia is a bit overwhelmed I think.’

‘The Inquisition does that to people.’

He laughed, ‘Indeed.’ He schooled his features. ‘I’m afraid this wasn’t just a social visit. I was sent to bring you back to the War Room.’

I sighed, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. ‘Goodbye, snow.’

I fell into step next to him, ‘You know we’re on a mountain. There’s snow everywhere.’

‘That’s old snow. It may have been sitting there 20 years. It becomes yours when you see it fall.’

He didn’t have an answer for that, and we travelled the short distance to the War Room in silence. 

I struggled to keep my temper in check when most of the requests on the table were frivolous Orleasians looking for acknowledgement from the Inquisition. I felt it was a waste of our limited resources when we could use them on a thousand other things which actually helped people, but the look on Cullen’s face said he felt this way even more so. I was giving Josephine meaningful looks to let us leave—looks which she was tactfully ignoring—when the doors opened behind me. I didn’t look back. The only people allowed to enter during counsel were Leliana’s spies who had reports for her that couldn’t wait. Reports I wasn’t allowed to see anyway. 

‘Sorry to barge in like this.’ The voice was as familiar as my own. Deep but nasally—something underneath that sounded sticky. My skin bristled up my spine and my ears started ringing, the blood rushing to my cheeks. I spun around and pulled my staff from my back, slashing it down and across in front of me, a red-orange light pinning the man to the wall by the throat. He was exactly as I remembered him. He had less hair, but his skin had no more wrinkles and the eyes looked no less sharp. 

‘Inquisitor—!’ Leliana started.

‘What is he doing here?’ I shouted over her, my brain a screaming wind. 

‘He’s the duke of Praehan.’

‘No he isn’t. I want him in the dungeon.’

Josephine’s voice chimed in, shaking slightly. ‘What is going on, Inquis—’

‘Guards!’ I shouted. They were only a few steps away having escorted this false Duke back into my life. ‘Lock this man away. Don’t let him out no matter what lies he feeds you.’ Still pinned to the wall by my magical vice, vein bilging in the centre of his forehead, I took a step closer to him. His mouth opened and closed like a fish while he clawed at the ring of light around his neck. His eyes flickered to mine then away. I waited two more of my own breaths, the room silent around me before I released him. He landed clumsily on his hands and knees, coughing and spitting on the floor. 

The guards didn’t wait any longer. Each grabbed one arm and pulled him along, feet dragging behind him. ‘I want at least two guards on him at all times!’ I shouted after them, louder than I needed to. 

I watched the bottom on his shoes fade away and disappear behind Josie’s door, mind racing, screaming.

A hand closed around my arm, just above my elbow. I flinched and pulled away, but it was Cullen, eyebrows meeting in the middle of his forehead in concern. His head was bent downwards toward me, but I didn’t want to hear whatever he was about to ask me. I needed to get out of this room. I glanced to Leliana and Josie, their eyes on me, waiting for some kind of signal of how to proceed. I ran out of the room, through the main hall, and to my quarters. Once up the stairs, I dropped my staff with a hard clatter and dove onto my bed. I pressed a pillow so hard onto my face that it made my nose ache and let out the scream I had been struggling to contain. I ran out of air before I felt satisfied, my breath catching the end of the breath. And I dissolved. 

I cried heavy sobs with shouts and curses behind them. I never took my face out of that pillow, so I didn’t hear the door open and close. The bed dipped. I took several deep breaths and sat up, holding the tear-stained side of the pillow against my stomach to hide it, facing away from whoever had joined me.

I looked for something to say that wasn’t an apology I refused to give, but my searching didn’t uncover a response, and the silence rang out. 

It was Cullen’s voice. ‘Who is he?’

My voice was thick as I said, ‘His name is Adalrad. He’s a criminal.’ How much could I say? How much did I want to say? I didn’t turn toward him just yet. ‘Am I talking to the Commander or…?’

‘Just Cullen. This doesn’t have to leave this room if you don’t want it to.’

I picked at the corner of the pillow. ‘I told you about my older brother, but I had a younger brother too.’ I paused as if some kind of preparation would make it easier to carry the weight of the guilt his name brought. ‘Fynn. He wasn’t a warrior, never wanted to be. He never even trained to fight, he wanted to be a magical scholar.’ The words were running together as I lost control of them. ‘He loved art and music, and he learned to read and speak the Common Tongue younger than any other member of our clan.’ I stopped and fought to catch my breath, rubbing my hand over my eyes. I finally turned to him. ‘What’s he doing here, Cullen? It’s too much of a coincidence for me to believe it is one. But why would he come here? Why now?’

He didn’t answer right away. His eyes travelled slowly all over my face, concern evident in his features. ‘What do you want to do?’ He asked, his hand reaching for mine.

I squeezed his fingers hard, staring at them. ‘I don’t know yet. I have to know why he’s here. But after that…I don’t know.’

I could see the questions lingering behind his eyes. I wanted him to know, but I couldn’t make my mouth form the words. I was relieved when he didn’t push me to tell him. Instead, he absently ran his thumb over my knuckles. ‘I’m sorry he’s here. I’m wish I could…’

I pulled my hand out of his and wrapped my arms around his torso, laying my cheek on the fur of his cloak, rough and thick. His arms closed around my back, the pressure of his armour a cold reminder that even now when he didn’t know anything about what had happened those years ago, he wouldn’t let me be alone with it. 

I held the hug too long. I know I did, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t even fidget uncomfortably like I had come to expect of him. If things had been different, if I hadn’t still been reeling from seeing Adalrad again…

He pulled back but left one hand on my hip. ‘Do you want to go down now? Do you want me to come with you or would you rather be alone?’

His eyes were so light, so deep. So stunning. I didn’t want him to see me the way I worried I would turn into around Adalrad, but I was so tired of carrying this secret. I wanted so badly to share it with someone, but I didn’t think I could say the words.

I ground my teeth, staring at the tie of his cloak praying to the Creators that he wouldn’t regret asking. ‘Please come.’

He nodded. ‘Do you need some more time?’

‘No. Let’s go now.’

There wasn’t much I could do to prepare myself for questioning Adalrad other than saying to myself over and over that I couldn’t react when I saw his face. 

The dungeon was far too clean and well kempt for someone of the likes of Adalrad, and I told him so as he sat in the chair I had been too kind to supply in the middle of the cell. Cullen stood in the corner a bit in shadow, his face locked into an angry scowl.

The light was dim, but I could see every feature of his face, every wrinkle of his robe. ‘You grew into such a beautiful woman, Da’len,’ he said in Elvhen.

I responded in the Common Tongue. ‘Each time you call me Da’len, I’ll cut off one of your fingers.’

‘Your guard dog needs to understand what we say to each other?’ He looked Cullen up and down. ‘Does this one even know how to write to fill out a report of what transpired?’ 

I didn’t look at Cullen, but his corner was silent. Of course he wouldn’t let Adalrad goad him. ‘He’s not the one locked up at the moment, so I think there are other things in this cell that you should be more concerned about.’ 

His eyes lingered on Cullen for a moment longer before landing back on me. ‘What shall I call you then?’

I laughed, but it sounded more like a shout. ‘Don’t call me anything.’ I locked eyes with him, but my hands were shaking. 

‘Not anything? After all the memories we’ve shared?’ Something shifted in his eyes, darkness leaking out of them and into the air around me. Even now, it put a chill in my bones the same way it did back then. ‘How is your brother by the way? Endel, of course, not Fynn.’

I cuffed him across the jaw hard. Were his ears ringing as loudly as mine after that blow? ‘Two subjects you aren’t allowed to touch.’

He rubbed his jaw. Should I have tied him first?

‘Such a sharp boy he was, but not so sharp as Fynn. Do you remember how—’

He didn’t utter another word. I reached under Cullen’s cloak and closed my fingers around the dagger I knew was there. Cullen started, but I turned away from him too quickly for him to stop me, if he would have. I slammed the dagger down on the arm rest, slicing his middle finger off of his right hand, severing half of the ring finger as well. 

At last he screamed, and something clicked into place inside me. He held the bleeding appendage to his chest, blood oozing between the fingers he had left.

‘You sure don’t know how to follow orders!’ I raised my voice to be heard over his shouting. I clenched the knife in my hand even as it dripped blood onto my boot.

He turned his face to me, spit dripping down his chin, eyes red and wild. He switched back to Elvhen as she shouted, his mouth contorting under the hate laced through his words, ‘We both know you’re no Inquisitor! You’re just a Shem-fucking bitch who couldn’t save her brother!’

I saw red. I leapt forward, shoving the dagger into his shoulder with such force that the chair tipped backwards. I channelled the momentum into the blade, and it sunk into the floor, pinning his body there. He shouted anew, and I slammed my fist into his right eye twice, fast and hard, but it didn’t bring release. My left and right arms swung like tight pendulums, over and over as if they could bring the desire I’d been holding for years into reality and turn his brain into soup. I don’t know how many punches I got in before I was dragged back. Even as I was pulled into another room, I continued yelling threats that even Leliana would be proud of. A door closed behind me and I was released. I slumped against the wall, catching my breath, but I didn’t try to go back. I covered my face in my hands, trying to control my anger. Trying not to wish for his instantaneous death.

I looked up to Cullen standing a few feet away. My anger flared again. ‘We didn’t find out why he’s here!’

‘Another few moments and he wouldn’t have been able to tell us.’

‘I…’ How is your brother by the way? ‘I have to know…’ Not so sharp as Fynn.

He put a hand on each of my shoulders and squeezed hard enough that a bit of the fog cleared. I looked up into his eyes.

‘Cullen…’

‘Let Leliana handle it from here. Please. You’ll make yourself crazy if you go back into that cell. I saw him. He wants it, wanted to bait you. I don’t understand why, but it’s a game to him.’

‘I have to go back. If Leliana questions him, she’ll…’ I backed away, away from his arms and took a few steps to fiddle with the door handle, knowing I wasn’t ready to leave, but feeling too anxious to stay. I pressed my fists to my eyes and tried to slow my breathing, tears beginning to tingle behind my eyes. I turned back to Cullen. ‘Leliana is too good.’

His eyebrows scrunched together. ‘I don’t understand.’

The words burst forth: what I had been afraid of since I saw Adalrad again, more afraid of it than I was of him. ‘She’ll find out the truth. He’ll tell her what I did.’ Every muscle was tight under my skin, my eyes pleading for him to find the impossible solution that was evading me even while I kept the secret from him.

He didn’t crowd me, seemingly sensing my claustrophobia. ‘Sleep on this. You can decide tomorrow what you want to happen.’ I felt my face fall. That wasn’t the response I was hoping for. ‘But Olivier, don’t forget that you can trust Leliana to keep your secret. Just the same as you can trust Josephine. And me.’ He took my hand slowly and gently like he was afraid that this was the wrong time. ‘Not because it’s our job. Because we care about you.’


	2. Chapter 2

Waiting to decide was a good choice, but sleeping on it most certainly wasn’t. I had three nightmares that woke me, heart racing and fear choking me before I couldn’t take anymore. I slipped on the green cloak and walked the battlements. I walked slowly, heavily, bare feet silent on stone. My breath clouded in front of me, but the wind dashed it away before I could find it again. I leaned on the wall, looking out over the view. I didn’t look to the outside of Skyhold, but inside it. Would I seem so mighty to them if they knew what happened today?

‘Are you all right there? The battlements take a watchful eye even with the sun out to show you the tricky bits.’

I turned to the voice, a smile threatening. ‘It’s me, Cullen.’

‘Oh, Olivier!’ He leaned next to me, and I could see from the corner of my eye that he was watching me. ‘What brings you here now?’

I flicked a pebble off the edge, too small to track its descent, even with the moon as bright as it was. ‘I couldn’t sleep. Why are you here?’

‘Same.’

I chewed my lip. ‘Dreams?’

‘You too?’

I laughed, but there was no humour in it.

‘Have you always had them?’ I asked.

‘With the lyrium, yes. But without it they’re even worse.’

‘Do you dream of phantoms or of things that are true?’

He ran a hand through his hair. ‘Phantoms I suppose, but they’re possible results of things that are true.’

I wondered what that meant for him. Now that Sophie and Mia were in his life again, did he dream of them? Of the Inquisition? 

He looked at me, but his silence continued for a bit before he spoke. ‘I’m sorry you’re out here tonight. I can guess what filled your dreams.’ The breeze rustled the fur of his cloak as he placed a hand on my arm and squeezed it gently.

My hands made tight fists. ‘You know what’s crazy? It was the timing that upset me just as much as everything else. I had—I had just stopped thinking about everything that had happened. It seemed my life couldn’t have changed in a more drastic way after the Conclave, and I couldn’t be in a life more different than the one I had when he was a part of it. I had stopped reliving it in my sleep, then he came to seek me out as if he knew his grip on me was fading. Forbidding me from moving on even as I fought so hard to.’ I looked at Cullen, arms gesturing desperately. ‘I tried everything. I tried repressing the memories, I tried writing them down to allow my mind to put it to rest, but there will always be reminders of them both. Fynn and Adalrad. I can never get away.’

Cullen shifted his position on the wall, and I felt a flash of guilt for both putting him in the middle of all of this while also not being fully honest with him. ‘If nothing else, you can know he won’t get away with this. He came here, where you’re our leader, you’ve captured the hearts of everyone here. If they ever found out he had hurt you in any way, they would never let it stand. And neither will I.’

I looked to him, brain coming up with too many responses to possibly choose a single one. 

‘I won’t steal your vengeance. But knowing that someone hurt you who is now here at Skyhold...I’ll support your decision, no matter what.’

‘That a big promise to make when you don’t know what I’ll choose.’

‘I think I know you well enough—’

I laughed sharply. ‘You say that now? Even as you know I am withholding information from you?’ 

He looked at me maybe even thinking that I was right. ‘I don’t know every event that has happened in your life, just as you don’t know everything that’s happened in mine. But that isn’t what makes people understand one another. I know the kind of person you are. Can you tell me you don’t feel that you understand me the same way?’

I blinked. Hearing him talk that way made even Adalrad seem small. ‘I’m sorry. You’re right. I wish it unsaid.’ My mind was buzzing. I couldn’t just be imagining the weight in his words. What did he mean? I did feel a connection to him, of course I did. I blamed it on attraction, even while knowing deeper that it was more than that. Granted, I had a hard time looking away when he was showing the recruits how to run a drill. But he stood for something. He stood for lots of things, and he stood firm against others—the same ones I did. 

I bit the inside of my lip, considering. His left arm was leaning on the stone, but his right was hanging next to him. I took his hand and pushed my fingers between his, the smooth leather a poor substitute for the heat I wanted to feel. I refused to look away from his gaze as I did so. His eyes fluttered away from mine for a moment, just a moment, but then…something changed. Something came alive in his expression. He squared himself to face me and took my other hand roughly, trapping my fingers.

‘I have to tell you, I care for you. Very much. I—do you—that is, could you—’

‘Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.’ His eyes snapped to mine before he released one hand to trace it up my arm. Once it made its way to my shoulder, he tucked it into the hood of my cloak to rest on my neck.

‘Leliana has been dropping an irritating amount of hints about it, but I thought maybe I wanted it to be true too badly to trust her judgement.’

His eyes darted to my mouth, but I pulled away, turning back to the glowing lights within Skyhold, keeping one of his hands in mine. ‘Let’s save this until after Adalrad is gone. I can’t—have any other balls in the air alongside that one.’

‘Of course. Take all the time you need.’

‘But don’t forget this,’ I said, suddenly struck with the worry that the time would never be this right again. 

‘I never could.’

I raised his hand slowly and kissed the palm, my eyes locked on his. His gaze focused on my mouth before rising to my eyes, more penetrative than I had ever seen them. As I walked back across the battlements to my quarters, the heat from his hand clung to my skin. 

~~~~~~

I hung back until the scouts had left, but Leliana didn’t seem surprised by my approach. ‘I wanted to talk to you about the prisoner,’ I said.

‘I’ve learned of his false claims of nobility, but not why he used them. I stopped my people from digging further or speaking to him directly until I had your go-ahead.’

I hesitated, my mind begging me to change it, to stop myself from saying it, but I did anyway. ‘You have it. But please, no one but you.’ I ran my finger along the grain in the wooden table watching it instead of her eyes. ‘You’re going to hear some things. I…I’d rather you hear what happened from me first.’

True to the Nightingale, she didn’t visibly react to anything I told her as I explained what happened to me and my brother. Everything that had happened to cause me nightmares for a decade.

It wasn’t pity, but I sensed anger brewing just under her mask of controlled focus in the twitch of her fingers. ‘I see.’ She shuffled some papers around her desk, and I didn’t have to be a spymaster to sense that she was busying herself to collect her thoughts. 

She straightened, composure back in place. ‘I’ll learn what he’s after.’

She brushed past me quickly, and the ‘thank you’ I whispered fell onto the air behind her. I shivered despite the bead of sweat rolling down between my breasts. I shouldn’t have felt this foreboding; wasn’t this supposed to turn things around? This choice was the beginning of withdrawing myself from the situation enough that I could pull myself out of this swamp of despair? 

I took the back stairs to the servant’s quarters and slipped outside. The stables stank of fresh manure and sweat of beasts, comforting compared to the stink of man. 

Sophie was on her tip toes nose hanging over the door of the stall where a Halla was patiently ignoring her. I called to it from the stable entrance, and it stood to attention immediately, ears pricked toward me. Sophie fell on her backside, surprise and a bit of fear flashing on her face before a smile spread wide across her cheeks when she saw me lingering in the doorway. 

‘He’s your friend, isn’t he?’ she asked.

‘This one’s name is Milli. Halla always like elves. We love them more than humans love horses.’

She turned to me. ‘You don’t like horses?’

‘I do, but they’re not as smart as Halla are. Though you shouldn’t tell your uncle I said so.’

She lowered her voice as if he was within earshot. ‘I won’t tell.’

I couldn’t help but smile. ‘You can ride him if you want.’

Her eyes widened slightly and darted between me and Milli. ‘Really?’

‘Of course.’ I opened the stall door and put a hand to Sophie’s back to lead them both to the open area behind the merchants. Milli looked around curiously and didn’t step away from my side, but she seemed calm. I knelt down between girl and beast and said, ‘the important thing to remember is that Halla deserve your respect. If you give it to them, they’ll give it back to you tenfold.’ Sophie looked more perplexed than anything. ‘Don’t worry. Just be kind to Milli and she’ll be kind to you, all right?’

She nodded, eyes on Milli.

‘Put your hand out like this, just to say hello. Like a handshake.’ I offered my right hand without the mark, palm up. Sophie did the same next to me. Milli sniffed us both, but when she found we weren’t offering any food, went back to sniffing around the dying grass. 

She looked at me, and I could see the question on her face.

‘That was good! We can pet her now.’ I moved along his side, running my hand down her neck, Sophie’s hand mimicking mine, but doing so so lightly that I doubted Milli could feel it her through her winter coat. I watched Sophie until she seemed more comfortable. At last she smiled. ‘Now you two are friends. You can ride her now. Are you ready?’

Her hands knotted in front of her. ‘I think so.’

‘Well she is, and she’ll take care of you. And I’ll be right here the whole time.’

She attempted a smile at me, but her nerves turned it into a grimace. 

I lifted her under her armpits to sit straddled on Milli’s back. She rose her head and turned an eye to us, but a few calming words in Elven turned her head forward again. She took a step. Sophie leaned over her neck, hand searching for a mane like horses had, but I held her hand tightly. ‘You’re doing fine,’ I said a bit too urgently.

She had my hand tightly squeezed in her smaller one, but with a few more steps, she loosened her grip. Soon, she straightened her posture. 

‘I’m going to let go,’ and did it before she could stop me. She looked at me panicked for a moment before focusing on Milli’s horns distrustfully. I stepped back a bit and Milli walked in a lazy circle around me, more interested in the merchants than anything else. Sophie’s shoulders straightened, and she grinned at me proudly. It was maybe even a grin big enough to rid myself of my foul mood.

But Milli got restless and side stepped toward me. Sophie’s face went back to the beast’s neck, and I closed the space between us, pulling her off just as Milli reared.

I set Sophie on the ground so I was standing between her and the Halla. ‘Well done, you’re a fast learner!’ just as Milli bumped into my backside, shying away from something behind me. One hand still on Sophie’s shoulder, I looked around for what had spooked Milli. 

Mia was charging toward us, fists clenched at her sides, face tight with anger. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ she shouted. A few faces of the merchants turned our way. ‘Do you see what it just did? She could have fallen and broken her head.’

‘Only because it sensed you.’ Cullen appeared from behind me. ‘Halla are some of the most perceptive creatures we have here at Skyhold.’

‘I was having fun, Mama,’ Sophie chimed in, head down.

‘It doesn’t take a beast to be able to read when you’re in one of your moods, Mia,’ Cullen said as my discomfort grew. I placed a hand on Milli’s back and she stopped stomping her hooves, though she never looked away from Mia.

She turned on me. ‘You may be the leader here, but I’m her mother.’

‘Parentage is not ownership. Sophie wanted to connect with the Halla. She was perfectly safe when I was with her.’

Her hand shot up, finger rigidly pointing between my eyes. ‘You don’t get to decide that.’

Cullen gently but firmly grasped his sister’s arm and pulled her away from us. I didn’t catch everything, but he started with ‘You chose to join the Inquisition when you entered Skyhold…’

Sophie was watching her mother and uncle, colour rising to her cheeks. She turned to me, and her mouth opened to speak.

I cut off what I guessed would be some kind of apology. She was too young to be feeling the shame of others. ‘You did very well today. I think you have a natural gift with animals. If you like, I could speak with our horse master, Dennet, to see if he might have a place for you to help with the other beasts. It’d be hard work, but I think you’d like it.’

Her mother seemed forgotten. ‘Yes please.’ It came out enthusiastically enough to sound like a shout. ‘Oh, um…Inquisitor.’ 

I barked out a laugh. ‘You don’t have to call me that. It’s just Olivier.’ She nodded, but was already looking toward the stables. ‘Go on. But don’t startle any of the animals.’

She was already gone, Milli trailing after her. 

Ignoring the argument going on a few feet away, I looked back to the towering walls of the Main Hall. I wasn’t ready to go inside. I didn’t even want to think about what was going on in the cells at this very moment, but thoughts were creeping in despite my attempts to distract myself from them. 

Training grounds it is.

‘Inquisitor,’ Cullen caught up to me, but wasn’t out of breath. ‘My sister is…she means well. Sophie is all she has left and she’s very possessive. I—’ he coughed. ‘Saw the whole thing. You weren’t in the wrong. I told her as much.’

I looked sidelong at him. ‘The whole thing?’ The corners of my mouth curled up, and I rubbed my neck to hide the rising heat there. ‘Then you’ll agree with me that she’s a natural born rider.’

He seemed more pleased by this than I expected. ‘Well, regardless, I’m sorry about the scene that resulted.’

I shrugged, hope of befriending Mia long since dead. 

‘You did well with her. Sophie.’

‘She’s sweet. And curious. Curiosity in children should be encouraged so they learn not to grow out of it.’

We stopped walking, half watching some recruits run through drills. ‘I expect she’s lonely,’ he said.

‘Still finding her way here, perhaps, but I don’t think she’s lonely. I’ve seen her playing with the other children. I think she’s afraid to leave her mother alone for too long. Perhaps for fear of her being lonely.’

He turned his body to me. ‘What do you mean?’

I looked out at the recruits to gather my thoughts for a moment before I responded. ‘She watches her mother. Children know things, even if they don’t understand what they know. I’ve seen her leave the other children more than once to check on her.’ I turned back to him. ‘Your sister, on the other hand, is more difficult to read.’ Though perhaps it was quite simple why she didn’t like me. The answer written on Cullen’s face as he looked at me now.

‘Inquisitor.’

I was pulled from my thoughts by a scout. ‘Sister Leliana wishes you to meet her at her desk on the upper floor of the rotunda.’

In an instant I felt sick. ‘I’ll go straight there. Thank you.’

He left and Cullen brushed my arm gently. ‘Do you want company?’

I didn’t look at him, considering. ‘Perhaps later.’ And I left. I needed to get this over with. Needed to be able to stop diving my mind between this and everything else.

The feeling of nausea didn’t abate as I climbed both flights of stairs. Leliana was facing away from me, and I sat on a crate thinking I didn’t want to hear this news standing up. A small splatter of blood lingered near her elbow.

‘Inquisitor.’

‘You made short work of that,’ I said, swallowing hard.

‘I am quite good at encouraging people to be forthcoming.’

‘Of course. And what did you learn?’

‘He didn’t know you were the Inquisitor when he decided to come here. He’d only heard your description and knew it was you. It seems that he was questioning his usefulness to the world, as men at his age sometimes do, and came here to find you.’

‘And do what?’ My heart was somewhere near my tonsils.

‘Stalk you, essentially. Torment you with his presence.’

I could see it in her eyes that he had told her the final piece of the puzzle. But I could also see that she wasn't going to speak it when it wouldn't change the situation at all: Adalrad was my father. ‘I sucked in air through my teeth and stared at my shoes rather than at her. ‘I see. I don’t know what I was expecting, but maybe something…more.’

‘Forgive me for saying so, Inquisitor, but perhaps the years and the distance made him bigger in your head than he is. He is a simple and rather pathetic man who confessed to several other crimes of similar nature. However, he seemed to hold you in a certain regard over…the others. He thought that your presence would bring him satisfaction.’

So that was it. All this: the almost-quiet years full of dreams and bitter regrets. My advisors being dragged into the mess I had tried to hide even when I thought it was over…just so he could watch me crumble seeing his face again?

Had he ruined the Inquisition for me? Had his essence permeated this space that had been the only thing that was wholly my own?

Leliana was quiet and allowed me my musings, but now she knelt down next to me, a hand on my knee. Her hood cast her eyes into shadow. ‘Olivier, I have to tell you. From what you’ve told me and from what I got from him, I understand what happened. And I can see that you think it’s your fault. But you’re wrong. He made a choice, a bad but intentional choice to send your brother on a mission he wasn’t meant to return from. Even if you hadn’t been a child when it happened, you couldn’t have stopped it. He made sure of that.’

I ground my teeth before saying, ‘You weren’t there. You don’t know. If I hadn’t gone hunting that day, when I—I knew we didn’t need more meat—’

She gripped my leg harder. ‘I do know. He threw it out. Buried it so animals wouldn’t find it and give him away, so your hunting party would be away from the Clan when it happened.’ 

I stared at her desperately. Could she be telling the truth? 

‘I’m sorry. It was a tragedy, but one for which you carry no blame.’

I didn’t know what to say, but…I believed her. This changed everything, I wasn’t even sure yet all the things in my life that would be different now. I stayed silent and nodded.

‘How would you like to proceed?’

Her left eye caught the light just for a moment, and it held depths that combined ice and fire, a combination that dug its fingers into my own heart. ‘I don’t ever want to see him again.’

One side of her mouth turned up. ‘As you wish, Inquisitor.’ I stood, but before I could leave, she grabbed my elbow. ‘Let this be the first step in forgetting it all.’

She gave me one last squeeze before I took a few steps away before I hesitated and turned back to her. ‘Leliana?’ She lowered the parchment she was reading to meet my eyes. ‘Make it hurt.’

She bowed her head slightly.


	3. Chapter 3

I tossed the parchment into the fire, the flames consuming the words in an instant. 

It is done.

Would this be enough to make the nightmares stop? To get back to where I was when I had suppressed the memories far enough that they were just a whisper of a thought on a dark day? I rubbed my eyes as the door to my quarters closed softly.

A head peeked around the banister. ‘Sophie?’

She walked around the corner and stood, hands by her side, face scrunched up like she was concentrating. ‘Thank you for letting me work in the stables with the animals. I had a lot of fun today.’

My brain struggled to switch from this topic and away from the burning parchment. I raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re welcome. But it really was my pleasure to let you do it. You didn’t have to…This feels very official. Were you sent up here?’ 

She shuffled her feet. ‘Uncle asked me to.’

The smile on my face only felt foreign for a moment. I gestured for her to sit next to me on the rug. ‘Of course he did. What did you do today? You liked it?’

Her face cleared as she went into a moment by moment account of the evening’s activities in the stables. I was more grateful to her for her distraction than she was to have someone listen to her recounting. I had thought that tonight could only be melancholy.

‘I’ll stop by the stables tomorrow to check on you. How is your mom about it? She doesn’t mind you working in there? I could have your Uncle talk to her.’ Since talking to her myself would only serve to get Sophie banned from the stables.

‘She doesn’t mind. She said I was smelly when I got home.’

I laughed. ‘Hard work does that, but I’m glad you feel like it was worth it. Go ahead and run back down. They’ll be serving dinner soon.’

She tossed a wave back at me as she dashed down the stairs. I went to the wash basin and held the cold water in my hands, staring at my distorted reflection under the lights of the torches. Maybe this is what I needed to heal after what happened not just with Adalrad, but Corypheus too. Moments like these, with Sophie, with Bull, and Sera and the others is what makes it feel slightly less shit. 

I splashed my face and ventured down to the main hall. The tables were lined with ram meat like most days, a few pastries (with little to no sugar as we were still working out trade routes for it), and the ‘wine’ they typically served at the tavern. I slid in an empty seat between Josephine and Cullen, dumping some stew on my plate and tearing off a piece of bread to dip in it. 

I listened to Cullen argue with Cassandra for a bit about the maintenance of Templars in Skyhold, glad to be around other people but not needing to engage with them just yet. The stew tasted of fresh thyme, and I held it in my mouth for a moment before I swallowed. ‘You two are arguing the same side, why are you still discussing this?’ I said, not able to hold in a small smile.

‘That’s not true,’ Cassandra nearly shouted, turning her irritation on me. ‘Commander Cullen claims that—’

‘You’re right, Inquisitor. Our apologies,’ he said in a clear attempt to placate her.

‘Though I was rather enjoying the show.’

Cassandra made a disgusted noise as Cullen smiled, picking up his neglected spoon. Cassandra seemed unwilling to let go of a good argument and picked up a conversation with Bull on her other side. Bull baited her by disagreeing with her every point, though soon it became apparent that he was arguing with her for sport, as I knew him well enough to realise that his views differed from those he was arguing with Cassandra. I ate quietly, happy to listen until Cullen leaned toward me. ‘Sophie made her way to you?’

I took another bite and swallowed. ‘Yes, but you needn’t have sent her. I knew she was grateful, and I didn’t do it for her thanks.’

‘Which is why you deserve them.’ I smiled and rolled my eyes as he lowered his voice further. ‘I’m grateful too. She’s feeling useful, but she also enjoying herself.’

‘I wasn’t lying when I told her she has natural talent. I think this could put her on a path to make something from this if she wanted.’

‘She’s even told me about it, and she’s still shy with me. It was an excellent idea.’ His eyes moved to his plate and back to me. ‘How are you doing?’

The smile melted off my face. ‘Fine, thank you.’

‘Olivier.’

I took a deep breath and looked at him. ‘Better than I was. It’s taken care of.’

He seemed to be unsure which question to ask first.

I spared him from further deliberation. ‘He’s gone, Cullen.’

He nodded. ‘This is what you wanted?’

‘They were my orders.’

‘Then I’m glad. He deserved no mercy.’

‘He was Leliana’s at the end. He received none.’

We were both quiet, and suddenly I didn’t have an appetite. The silence grew and my neck got warm. I scrambled for a new topic. ‘Have you been training Sophie at all?’

‘I want to. But the idea of getting her battle ready scares me. I never want her to have to use those skills.’

‘Teaching her how isn’t the same as putting her on a path to use it.’

‘I suppose not. I have to admit, I don’t quite know how to speak to her.’

My fork froze in its fiddling on the plate, smile itching to reveal itself. ‘Maker, what do you mean?’

‘I’ve always been working away from her, and I didn’t get to see her grow up. I didn’t encounter any children really in my other fields of work, so I never had to interact with them. And…’ He stopped talking as he saw me holding in a laugh.

‘You don’t have to speak to her in any particular way, just as a person. She’s sharp. She has a lot to say.’

‘I know it’s a ridiculous notion.’

I laid a hand on his arm. ‘It isn’t. But it is unwarranted. Sophie adores you, it’s clear even with how little time she’s spent here.’ I chewed the inside of my cheek. ‘As do I.’ He choked a bit on his food, ears as red as tomatoes. 

People began filtering out of the hall. Fires dappled the grounds and people gathered around them, ale in hand. I debated joining a circle but didn’t much feel like putting forth the energy to drink with people. 

But I wasn’t ready to rest yet, and if I could avoid sleep just a bit longer…I caught Sera’s eye over the banister of the second level of the hall. I excused myself and followed her. 

I snuck up behind her, still crouched and watching everyone dine below. ‘Bout time you joined up, Inky.’

I settled in next to her. ‘How did you know it was me?’

‘I may not spy like Bull, but I could tell.’

‘Ya? How?’

‘I could tell by your footsteps.’

‘And you saw me leave the table downstairs to head this way.’

She finally looked at me. ‘Doesn’t matter. Anyway, how badly do you want to stop me from dropping this sack of sour milk on top of Lord what’s-his-face down there?’

I looked over the banister to the man below her. ‘Lord what’s-his-face’ was right. I had no idea what had made him come to the Inquisition instead of sending his own people, but he hadn’t stopped throwing his position around since he arrived, giving our people unending extra work. But then, maybe that was the reason he came.

‘Nah, do it.’

‘What, really?’ Her hands paused untying the top of the sack that was starting to form a yellow-white puddle.

I smiled wickedly. ‘Do it!’

She held her arms over the banister, aimed just right, and let go. We both dropped to our stomachs, peeking over the edge. He was standing and shouting, face purple under the goo. He looked up to us, and we both pulled our heads back quickly. She laughed manically.

‘We have to get out of here,’ I said, starting to crawl in the opposite direction. I looked back just as she dared one last peek down at the Lord before following me.

‘Scatter!’ She shouted as we reached the bottom of the stairs, and darted away from me. 

‘Sera!’ But she was too fast.

~~~~~~

After returning to Skyhold from the Emerald Graves, all I wanted was a bath. I fully expected not to get one as it seems that the exact moment I arrive is the moment everyone needs my attention. But I slipped through the servant’s quarters and kept my hood up as I snuck through the shadows in the Main Hall, and through some gift of the Maker, no one stopped me. I slipped into the steaming water as quickly as I could get it gathered. Leliana entered not long after. 

‘I should have known I couldn’t bathe in peace,’ I said, sinking my nose under the water as if I could hide there. 

‘I’m just here to clarify something in your report,’ she said as she sat on a chair next to the tub. And while she did ask me about the report, it didn’t take long before the conversation drifted to another topic.

‘We managed well enough here, but if I didn’t know better, I’d say the Commander doesn’t enjoy his job when you aren’t around.’

‘Good thing you know better.’

‘But what if I didn’t?’

I looked at her blankly.

‘Have you been to see him yet?’

I rubbed some scented oils into my hair. ‘You know everything that happens in Skyhold, so I don’t know why you’re even asking.’

She leaned forward in the chair. ‘All right, so I know you haven’t, but what I don’t understand is why.’

‘Is it so mad that I would want to clean up a bit after arriving back from a mission?’

‘So your body can be clean and rosey pink when you do see him?’

I flicked water at her face. ‘Go bother him about it instead.’

She gave me one of her smiles, all in the eyes but not around the mouth. ‘Are you giving me permission to do so?’

I growled. ‘Get out of here.’

She didn’t rush as she made her way to the banister. ‘I wonder if he’s taken his eyes off the door since you’ve arrived. Just waiting for it to open for you to be on the other side,’ her voice drifted dreamily.

I rolled my eyes and dunked my head under. 

As much as Leliana had teased, I did want to see Cullen, and badly. After dressing, I started heading in that direction, but I hadn’t even left my quarters before Josephine came in with questions, followed by two scouts. By the time I was left alone, the nights of camping were hanging over me as I slumped in a chair, pulling me to the Fade. 

The Emerald graves had focused my mind, blown the fog of dreams from my mind. I was still shaken, probably would be for a while longer, but I felt…clear. So when I woke from a nightmare of Corypheus rather than Adalrad, I found it in me to be pleasantly surprised. I donned the green cloak to wander the battlements.

I was alone tonight other than the usual patrols, and I confessed my own disappointment. However, a glance to his window revealed a glowing fire inside, so I took a chance. I knocked lightly enough that if he was asleep, he’d probably sleep through it, but there was a clunk and a shuffle before the door opened, the little bit of light from the torches within streaming out. 

‘Good evening, Commander,’ I used his title with a slight tease in my voice.

‘Inquisitor.’ He said it like an exclamation. ‘Uh, please come inside.’ He held the door open, and I slipped past him. ‘I read your report. Your mission was a success?’ He closed the door and sat at his desk.

‘It was. We’ll have to return I’m sure, but it’ll keep for now.’ I glanced down to his armour, in place as usual. ‘You don’t look like you’ve slept.’ I came around to his side of the desk.

‘Soon.’ 

‘Cullen.’ I leaned back against the desk, inches from him. 

But he changed the subject. ‘Things moved in your absence, though slowly.’ His eyes drifted to my backside leaning against his desk then back to me. ‘Uh, Sophie missed you quite a bit.’

‘Just Sophie?’

His eyes didn’t falter as he paused. ‘Perhaps not her alone.’ His hands gripped the arm of the chair. 

I tried ignoring Leliana’s voice in my mind as I looked into his eyes. I slowly raised my hand and placed it softly on his cheek. I leaned forward inch by inch until my mouth was at his ear. ‘Because I missed you when I was away.’ I pressed my lips to the spot just under his ear. He took a deep breath and held it. He placed his hand lightly on the top of my thigh. I pulled away, but only enough to look him in the eyes. The weight of his hand was heavy and hot, but the hair was standing up on my arms.

‘Surely a short break wouldn’t kill you.’

‘Surely,’ he mumbled as he stood and leaned over me. I looked up to him and sat further back on the desk, legs opening as he stepped between them. His body seemed so…full, so large as he tilted up my chin before pressing his lips on mine gently, slightly parted. I arched my back into him as his fingers ran along my jaw onto my neck. His lips left mine, but I could feel him hovering just inches away. I didn’t open my eyes at first, just took a few breaths collecting myself, praying to the Maker that he wasn’t about to stop.

I opened my eyes then, the heat in his own pouring into mine in the dim light. ‘Please Cullen. Don’t make me wait any longer.’

He gave a small smile. ‘All right,’ he whispered, voice sultry as he bent to kiss me again. His skin felt hot but softer than I had imagined as I wrapped my arms around his neck slowly, one hand threading through his hair. He groaned softly into my mouth as his lips moved to my neck. As his tongue flicked at my pulse, I sucked in a breath through my teeth, toes curling, hand a tight fist. He must have liked the sound I made because his hand snapped to my hip, fingers digging into my flesh.

‘C-Cullen,’ I whispered, skin slowly turning to flame. I reached forward tentatively, but I wanted him too badly to feel shy. When my fingers brushed his erection, he moaned, closing his mouth over mine with enough force I had to cling to him to keep from falling backward on the desk. One of his hands was moving up my stomach higher, ever higher until his hand closed over one breast. I gasped, his mouth still on mine, as heat pooled between my thighs. 

The door slammed open. ‘Commander, I have an urgent report—’ he looked up from the parchment to us. We both pulled back, but based on Jim’s face, it was perfectly clear what he had just walked in on.

He cleared his throat. ‘I apologise…I have…’ He held out the report. Cullen audibly grumbled as he stormed over to Jim and yanked the parchment from his hand. Anger rose up my chest. It somehow fit that after I had wanted Cullen for so long I was interrupted right before I got my wish. But there was more to my feelings as a part of me that suspected…the way Jim followed Cullen around…that he might have done this on purpose.

Cullen and Jim were arguing about report promptness, and anyone who knew Cullen would see the knot between his eyebrows and know that he was livid. The feeling of unfairness rushed over me. I was the Inquisitor, I understood my duty, but taking this moment with Cullen wasn’t taking away time from the Inquisition. It was my moment finally come, and I was going to take it. 

I grabbed an empty bottle off the desk, emotion suddenly overwhelming, and slammed it on the ground, shattering hard enough that pieces bounced off Cullen’s boots metres away.

The room was quiet as they both turned to me, looking from the shattered glass to my face. I turned my gaze to Jim. ‘Get out of this office.’

He paused only long enough to swallow before turning and running out the door, not closing it behind him.

Cullen was watching me with raised eyebrows. To tell the truth, I was incredibly embarrassed both by Jim walking in on us and for my reaction, but I held my chin up and walked to the ladder, stopping at the bottom. ‘Come up when you’ve locked the doors, Commander.’

He didn’t move for several seconds, and shame started creeping up my neck that I had gone too far. But then with no warning, he spun on his heel and closed the door quickly, turning to the next one with no hesitation. I pressed my lips together to hold in my smile as I started up the ladder. Once in his chambers, I found I didn’t know what to do. I looked around the room, at the unmade bed, the spare boots sideways on the floor, then stared in disbelief at the hole in the ceiling. One step to the left and I had a perfect view of an almost full moon, but the cold air leaking in made it feel very unworth it.

Cullen was ascending behind me, and I turned quickly, wondering if I should have at least started unbuttoning my shirt. He pulled me away from the hole. ‘Don’t worry, Cassandra has already scolded me about it, if you need to do so yourself, you can save it for after.’

We stopped beside the bed. ‘After? After what?’ I teased.

His eyes widened slightly. ‘Oh—that is—I only meant—’ 

I felt a bit guilty having teased him at what was apparently not the right moment, so I raised my hands to my top button, releasing it quickly before moving to the next. I looked up at him, having stopped his stuttering to watch me. I unclasped it, then the next, and stopped. ‘Are you going to make me do it all myself?’ I tried to make my voice sound mysterious, and I hoped I was meeting the mark.

He took a half step closer to me and placed a finger in the middle of my collarbone, tracing a line across my shoulder, pushing the fabric down to reveal the skin. He leaned down slowly and pressed his lips there as his fingers moved to the next button. My brain filled with a blissful fog, and it wasn’t a moment later he was pulling the garment off me.

I pushed him back gently until the backs of his legs hit the bed. A light shove and he sat while I put a knee on each side of him. His hands immediately went to my waist, but I pulled them away, sliding the leather gloves off, not dropping his gaze. I tossed them aside and kissed his cheek, softly trailing my lips to his ear before biting the lobe gently. His hips raised off the bed slightly and his cock pressed against me. I was flooded by arousal and quickly untied the belt from his cloak, shoving it away from him before closing in on the clasps of his chest plate, my lips never leaving his neck while his hands caressed by back. 

It didn’t take me long to realise that his armour was far different than mine. I slapped the metal plate, frustrated. ‘Help me get this off!’

He smiled, but I was grateful when he didn’t laugh. I felt a bit like I was spoiling the mood, but when he removed the plate in a matter of seconds, it suddenly didn’t matter so much. I eagerly reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. I couldn’t see much in the darkness, but his silhouette was…perfect. His shoulders were wide and rounded into his biceps, his chest strong and firm as I pressed my palm against it. I had never seen his skin other than an inch or two of his neck when he turned his head a certain way, and I felt almost overwhelmed with everything that I could now touch. 

I lunged for him, wrapping my arms around him as we fell against the bed. His skin was hot against me, touching every inch. Every inch except…

He reached around me to the breast band, pulling the clasp free in only a moment. I didn’t have time to wonder at this ability when he threw it aside and rolled us over and hovered over me. His head was buried against my neck as his open hand travelled from my neck lower to my breasts, a finger circling my nipple.

I muttered a few curses in Elven, and he gasped as I ran my fingernails down his back. His lips soon replaced his hand, and as he flicked his tongue over me, I cried out and curled my legs around his waist. I ran my fingers down his chest feeling the tense muscle under the softness before grabbing onto the waistband of his trousers. I didn’t pull, but instead I waited until I felt him nod against me. My fingers shook slightly as I pulled the string free and worked his trousers down around his hips. When I couldn’t pull them further, he stood up and kicked them from around his legs.

It felt too obvious to stare at him, but I couldn’t help it. I’d seen naked men before in the Clan but never one standing over me with this look in his eyes. Heat rushed from my cheeks down to the apex of my thighs. He bent over me and slowly loosened my own trousers. I lifted my hips off the bed so he could remove them, and I fought the urge to cover myself.

‘Maker’s breath,’ he breathed as he came down over me again, our bodies entwining. He leaned to one side of me, his hand circling one breast, tracing the curve of my waist lower until he stopped at the curled hair, looking up at me before going further.

‘Touch me,’ I whispered, and he slipped his hand lower, parting the folds, stroking me so perfectly I stopped breathing for a moment. I took a handful of the blanket, gripping it desperately as I suddenly remembered to breathe. I shuddered and crashed my lips onto his, moaning loud and long before falling back on the pillow. I couldn’t hold back the smile now as he kissed along my shoulder. He lifted his head and moved his kisses to my mouth, pulling back when he felt the smile there, his own rising to his lips. ‘What?’

I didn’t have words. I was just so happy I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t believe that after everything that had happened that I would end up in Skyhold, in this room, in this bed with this man. And because I couldn’t find the words for it, I shook my head and told him a different way. 

I pushed him at the right angle to roll on top of him. With a leg on either side of him, I touched his face gently before running it down his chest, his stomach, until I grasped his cock in my hand. His eyes fluttered closed as I ground myself against him, rubbing my clit along his hardness, coating us both in the wetness that his caresses had brought. My breath stuttered, and I didn’t want to wait any longer. 

I leaned over him, pressing myself against him as I lined him up with my cunt. ‘Cullen, I’m ready to—’

‘Yes,’ he breathed into my ear.

I lowered myself down on him slowly and gasped at the pleasure that shot up my spine. I had been expecting a sharp pain, and though there was a dull ache, how good this felt far outweighed it. I sunk down on him fully, a high-pitched sound sneaking from my mouth.

He lifted my head gently with his hand as his eyes sought my own. ‘Are you all right? Am I…hurting you?’

I shook my head against him and slowly sat up, one hand on his chest for balance. My hair had fallen from its tie and fluttered around my face with each breath. I slowly rocked against him.

His fingers grasped my thighs as he closed his eyes tight. ‘S-Sweet Maker.’

I rose off of him a few more times, watching his face, pleased at the facial expressions he made. I tilted my head back to toss my hair out of my face, shaking it out behind me when I felt his fingers pinch my nipples. I moaned, tipping my head back further, reaching behind me to brace myself on his legs to keep thrusting onto him. 

He sat up and held me to his chest with one arm, the other braced on the bed behind him as he pushed into me further. Our bodies touched everywhere, and I felt dizzy under the look he was giving me. His eyes were part animal, part…lover. The realisation washed over me, and I kissed him hard. He changed his angle slightly, the movement of his hips rubbing my clit. I fisted a hand in his hair, closing my eyes.

Our speed increased and synchronised, clinging to each other, breathing ragged. 

‘More! Cullen—ah—I’m so close.’

‘Olivier…Olivier,’ he said, lips against my ear as the white heat closed in all at once. My climax washed over me, my veins pumping light instead of blood. I pinned my chest to his, buried my head in his neck and let go. A vague thought went to the sound of my shouts travelling through the hole in the roof, but then Cullen’s arms tightened, and he groaned as he spilled himself inside me.

Cullen held me against him as we fell back onto the bed in a huff. The loft was silent but for our heavy breathing. Another moment and I pulled away to tuck myself under his shoulder laying my head on his chest. His arm came around me, the feeling so natural. I kissed his cheek and he turned to me, still catching his breath.

‘That was…’ he sighed contentedly and ran a hand through my hair.

I rested my arm on his chest. ‘Me too.’ He held his lips to my forehead, both of us happy to lay this way for a moment longer. Until, ‘Cullen?’

‘Mmm?’

‘If I sneak us some sweet bread from the kitchen, will you help me eat it?’

‘Are you…? Of course you are.’ I felt his smile against my skin. ‘You don’t have to go alone. I’ll help.’

I sat up and kissed him soft and lingering. I pulled away from the kiss but spoke only a breath away from his lips. ‘If you come, we’ll get caught.’ And I sat up quickly pulling his tunic over my head and my cloak over my shoulders and slid down the ladder.


End file.
